They Were Not There

When i went abroad for college for the first time, i am the only kid who didn't bring parents along. Some of my friend's parents were so kind to me, they offered food and drinks while we were in the plane. Some of them, i know, might be wondering why i have no parent to accompany me.
But thats okay. I was totally okay without my parents presence. Beside, i know how to take care of my own things.
When i was graduating from college, my mother came to witnessed me succesfully hold a bachelor degree. Father wasn't there, so i don't want to take a studio family photo, which mostly other students do with their whole family. I am so sure that my mother was curious, but she didn't ask either, which js good. Because i can't explain.
Back then i remember clearly, i also alone when it was a graduation ceremony from elementary school. I was crying as nobody came to take my result, and my friend's father help me to take the result from the teacher as my parents replacement.
My parents were not there.
When i was at my rebel age, i went to game center right after my senior high school's graduation ceremony. I was alone, as all my friends can't wait to run home and tell their parents about their graduation.
My parents don't even know that day was my graduation day.
They were not there.

I have a friend whose really proud of her Dad. Her Dad is one of the most important person worked in a local newspaper. He is also a really good novel writer. Whenever i play at my friend's house, he have a bunch of his childhood stories to be told. I remember half of it, that he grew up in a small town nearby a small harbor for ships. He used to like to eat an apple every afternoon there, before the sun goes down.
As my friend always wandering around telling about her Dad, i have this jealousy feeling of it. An envy feeling of people who has a complete parents. Maybe they are imperfect too, as nobody is perfect.
But at least, they are there.

I have a wish.
A simple wish that won't ever be granted no matter how hard i am praying.
If i can't have a family now, i hope i have a family in the future. Doesn't have to be a big kind of family, small one is enough.
And i will be there.
Because i don't want my kids to ever feel what i feel right now. Longing for a home, and its nowhere to be found. Trying to search any relatives in the crowd for taking school's result and realizing that nobody came made me feel utterly dumb.

And i will be there. For any occassions, even if my kid is old enough to be embarassed by my presence, i will still be there.
Because they were never there.